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Press Reviews "The final message of the book is
wonderfully uplifiting – that the childless world can be one of excitement
and opportunity." Grazia Hilary Mantel, bestselling
author Beyond Childlessness is a major feat of research, compilation and editing,
and I am in awe of the amount of work that has gone into it. I found it
moving, positive and useful. Thoughts and feelings are described here which
I’ve never seen expressed, in print or out loud, and the reader feels very
close to the women whose stories are told. It has made me question myself closely, even
more than writing my memoir [Giving Up the Ghost] did, about buried aspects
of my experience. I had always felt at fault for not being able to think of
the right answer to the question, ‘Do you have children?’ – I mean, an answer
that would tell people what they needed to know, as opposed to what they
wanted to know. I realise that other childless women struggle just as hard
with the world’s perception, and the stranger’s judgment, but nothing I have
ever read has given me any sense of solidarity with these other women. I now
feel I have a greater perception of the different viewpoints within a common
struggle. People have just stopped asking me when I am
going to have children – I know soon they will be asking me whether I have
grandchildren. I have already, in myself, begun to deal with the feeling of
emptiness that the answer provokes in me. Having read the book, I feel
slightly braver about giving the answer to the outside world. Dillie Keane, writer and
co-founder of “Fascinating Aida” When a childless woman turns forty, it's as
though she has a huge neon sign above her head which flashes "LAST DAYS
FOR BABIES! LAST DAYS FOR BABIES” in giant lettering above her head. The rest
of the world is full of unhelpful advice: there's so much more to life; have
one on your own; you've still got lots of time; doctors can do wonderful
things these days... What few people will do is help you down that
long dark tunnel when you face the awful truth - i.e. that, barring a miracle,
it is too late, and you aren't going to have the family you longed for. The
word 'barren' shimmers before you with the same totemic horror that the word
'spinster' evoked in the nineteenth century, and the journey is a lonely and
painful one. I faced the reality of my own childlessness
alone, and it took me a good four to five years to get over the worst of it.
If I'd had Beyond Childlessness to hand it might have been a
rather quicker journey. Rachel Black and Louise Scull deal with all the
issues one by one with admirable clarity and beguiling good sense. Their
research is impeccable, and the authenticity of the personal stories
painfully accurate. In the end, however, their mission is to help women to
realise that not having children can be every bit as positive as having a
brood of six, and that childlessness need not mean a life without children. There's no self-help mumbo jumbo here; when I
put the book down, I was always aware that I was in the hands of two
intelligent and thoughtful women who wanted to pool their own pain – and
recovery from pain – for the benefit of women like me. It's just astonishing
no-one wrote it before, because I imagine it's much needed. Anthea Turner, Broadcaster
and Patron of We’re all in this book, and reading it reminds
you you’re not alone. My 5 attempts at IVF were like 5 little deaths
that I couldn’t share with anyone. Some deal with it better than others but
generally, from the people I have spoken to, we all fall pretty much into the
same pattern of thinking. Bombarded with the media pedestal of virtue
and exemption that “mothers” sit on we are left to wonder, “What’s the matter
with me? Did I do something wrong in a previous life to be cursed in this
way?” Then there’s the minefield of hospital tests, waiting for results,
desperation, humiliation, failure and loneliness, not to mention the ologies,
acupuncture, psychics, healers, spiritualists and every crackpot soothsayer
going. The grand conclusion after this soul
destroying journey is “life’s not fair”. Keep this book near and if you ever feel
lonely open it at any page and feel better.
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Readers who would like to discuss any aspect of the book or |
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Beyond Childlessness by Rachel Black & Louise Scull Published by Rodale, an imprint of Pan Macmillan |
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